Week 6: Communication
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES
As we grow up, we typically settle on one of these three strategies as a habitual strategy for dealing with conflict. Which one do you use most often?
DEMAND: Hold firm (fight) (What I need/want is most important)
“My way or the highway”
Frame conflict in terms of own interests; little concern for other party; highly assertive.
Push until you get your way.
[ I satisfy my needs at the expense of others.]
ACCOMMODATE : Be nice (freeze) “Go along to get along”, “Don’t make waves”
Give in, conform to reduce conflict, make peace
Yield or subordinate own interests to other party
[ I satisfy others’ needs at the expense of my own.]
(What others need/want is most important)
WITHDRAW / AVOID : Walk Away (flight) “I don’t care”, “I’m not going to play this game”
Withdraw, avoid, retreat, turn back, walk away
Ignore, deny, or suppress the problem
[ Neither I nor others satisfy their needs.]
(Avoiding conflict is most important)
The most common strategy for resolving conflict is compromise:
COMPROMISE: Everyone gives a little
“I give some, you give some”
Moderately demanding/moderately accommodating; "splitting the difference"
Settle for "half a loaf"; cut both goals in half and glue together; zero-sum game
[ We all give up some of our needs in order to satisfy others.]
But, there’s another way…
(above the line: common, traditional, non-creative – essentially zero-sum, what others get, I lose and visa-versa )
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(below the line: rare, more difficult, but much more powerful - root needs/goals of everyone honored)
“BLEND” (Collaborate): Work toward everyone getting core needs met
Requires mindful awareness and exploration of:
Behavior (body language, tone) / Feelings / Needs (both yours and others)
This process is more circular than linear and necessarily creative:
The exact form of the outcome is often non-obvious and sometimes even counter-intuitive.
Three steps are involved:
Recognition and acceptance of everyone’s feelings and perceived needs
Discovery and inquiry into everyone’s intentions and root goals
Mutual exploration of potential solutions satisfying intention and root goals of everyone
[For more about resolving conflicts in this way, see Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. ]
You can either view the information here on line, or download the Week 6 lesson pages